It’s Official! We have become a nation of nasty, dirty freaks! The National Olympic Committee announced plans to replace Pole Vaulting with Pole Dancing citing, unless those assholes can hammer throw themselves over a crossbar in hooker heels, they no longer have any interest in the 150 year old track and field sport.
This kinda reminds me of this jackass I dated that handed me the pink slip. He was younger than me and always wanted to do elaborate acrobatic tricks during coitus. For those lazy fucks who don’t feel like looking up ‘coitus’, it’s fucking! Another fucking word for fucking! As I was saying, I guess he got tired of the same slutty routines. Perhaps if I had elephants and Cirque du Soleil props we’d still be doing it. I never really thought it was that boring. I come, you come and then you get the hell out! That’s gold medal perfect!
Well on March 20, 2011, the National Olympic Committee handed pole vaulting that same pink slip. Committee board member, Dudley Houston agreed, “I don’t remember there being a stripper pole at the last supper, but hey if it’s ok with the big JC, then it’s okay with us!”
Thanks to the nasty pole dancing Jesus freaks, one of the greatest Olympic events now has a skanky Christian way of doing things. The 6 Metres Club will now be known as the 6-inch Heels Metres Club. This is exactly what committee protesters were afraid of; pole dancing becoming the gateway drug to hookerdom, blue feets and frequent visits to the ho clinic. Committee protester Frank Connelly had this to say, “This can easily lead our athletes into the loose-coat-game and turning tricks! They’ll be looking to win tram fare instead of award metals! It’s mockery!”
Sometimes I wish there was a committee out there fighting for my coitus rights.